Gig 11: The Halt, 11th Jan 2011

Happy New Year!

Hope you had a good one. Mine was pretty quiet, but I figured I’d start by writing some new material for the new act night – this is only my second time here, it’s billed as a new act/new material night, and I’ve been using much the same routine for the last nine gigs. Anyway, best laid plans of mice and men, etc, I didn’t have time to write a full new five minutes (being busy with Revision pre-production, and with a flit imminent), but did write some bad puns and some topical material.

I was on third, and as well as my cousin and her boyfriend (who has filmed my previous videos, and is directing Revision), my friends Roy and Rebecca came down to see me perform. Rebecca has been supportive of this venture from the start, and this is the first time she’s been free to see me onstage. She’s been telling me I should do something like this for a while, so really, if you want to apportion blame…

The opening puns got the expected groans, my new bit about the VAT rise took a bit of over-explaining/point-labouring (“I haven’t misunderstood this, right? Everything is now 2.5% better value?) and my bit about the terror status level being updated last week got a laugh. I tacked onto that a couple of lines I wrote in my novel Uberstardom last year, and it was good to hear them go down well – the routine in there is about other terrorist attacks, and the backwardness of ‘protecting’ ourselves from things that might not happen, and I’ll probably try and do the whole bit at some point. I try not to plagiarise myself, but then when I realised just how long Frankie Boyle, Ricky Gervais and Bill Bailey have been using some of their lines, fuck it, I’ll re-use some of my material too then.

The next joke is one I’m a bit too proud of, a really tasteless joke based on the news stories surrounding Joanna Yeates – which goes thus:

I had a shite Christmas. Know how there’s always some cunt buys you a pair of socks? This year I got ONE sock. One sock, and a Tesco Express pizza. I can’t even remember who gave me them, which is a bastard cos if I knew there’d be ten grand in it for me…

As anticipated, some people laughed, some were bypassed, and some found it in pretty bad taste, which it is – it’s horrible that she died, and worse that they found her body on Christmas Day of all days. As I’ve argued on facebook, it’s not deliberately offensive. It’s grounded solidly in fact, facts which are then tied to a common observation in order to confound and catch off-guard. I was just struck by the prominence afforded to the Tesco Express Taste The Difference pizza – which was for a fortnight the sole lead, mentioned in every story. The second piece of evidence missing is a single sock, one she’d been wearing. And there’s a £10,000 reward offered for information leading to the capture of her killer.

After that, I went back to my original material – starting with the stuff about my name – and got heckled by some bint at the third table, who first asked me to sing, then dance, then “take your shoes off and let your feet hum”. Had a bit of banter with her (nothing I can remember, so no reuseable lines…) and then threw myself at my hair/dignity joke, which leads into the second part of the routine. As Malky said later, the thing with dealing with hecklers and ad-libbing is, if you don’t know your material inside out it can be hard getting back on track. Hopefully a few more practices will help me overcome that one.


Just realised I have to go get ready for a Revision production meeting, I’ll finish this blog later.


About Jordan

I try to write engaging, witty, clever things. Sometimes I manage. I've done some low-key stand-up comedy, & I post blogs about true daft experiences. View all posts by Jordan

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